10 relationship advices to make your relationship work and be happy in life!
People get together to form couples. But often, these may end up in a disaster. But divorce lawyers offer some relationship advices on how to make relationships work and remain happy in life, with or without a partner.
Relationship advices from divorce lawyers
Divorce lawyers deal with several divorces in their lifetime. They know the couples very closely and are able to figure out what went wrong in their relationships to cause the split. Some of these lawyers have offered couples some valuable relationship advices on how to avoid a divorce and lead a happy life.
1. Set your priorities right
Often, couples enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, they themselves are unsure of what they want. It is vital that a person chooses a partner based on what he or she desires in her prospective mate. Jessica Keal, associate at Simkins LLP states:
“For some people it’s kindness, for some it’s empathy, for some it’s financial stability. None of those priorities are wrong. Just make sure you’ve got them down.”
She adds that one should think about their past relationships and see what they found humiliating in it. They should try to choose a partner who can ensure that it will not be repeated.
Qualities and values in a partner are important but Jessica also feels that sexiness in a partner should not be ignored. She explains:
“You do need that spark,”
“It used to drive me mad when people would say, ‘Oh, it’s a slow burner, the attraction will come.’ It’s OK to say the attraction does need to be there.”
2. Discuss unromantic parts early
Before settling down for a partner, one should discuss on non-romance-related points as well. This should be done early in the relationship. Jessica explains:
“You often find that couples are so in love at the beginning of their relationship that they don’t think about things like, ‘Are we aligned on how our children will be educated, or what medical care we want to receive?’”
“Those conversations are so crucial as they’re the sort of things that can become deal breakers down the line.”
Lawyer Liza Gatrell of Stowe Family Law is in total agreement on this point. According to her:
“If you have those conversations upfront, I find that you are less likely to separate down the line.”
3. Think twice before moving in
Vanessa Lloyd Platt from Lloyd Platt & Co cautions against moving in without second thoughts. She says:
“My takeaway is that you shouldn’t co-habit unless you really protect yourself … after seeing so many years of broken promises and seeing people heartbroken.”
Disagreements may crop up, problems might creep in. Think on all those before moving in. Maisie Huynh who is with Irwin Mitchel feels that property acquired should be in joint names and preferably with equal money contribution from both. One can go for cohabitation agreements and insurance policies.
4. Work as a team
In modern days, it is common to see that both spouses are busy in their respective career. This could raise their stress levels and give them less time for each other. This can negatively impact relationships. Hence, some extra efforts are required from both to keep the relationship going. Date nights can help. Moreover, both need to share responsibilities and not bind oneself to role playing. They have to work as a team and not in an isolated way in day to day and life chores.
5. Changes are inevitable with age
There are bound to be changes with time and one has to accept them. Sophie Campbell-Adams says:
“I find people don’t want to acknowledge that over time in a relationship, they change – the person you fell in love with on day one isn’t the same person 25 years later,”
“You grow with that, or, if you can’t accept it, that’s when you’re sat in front of me.”
Change of mind over having children or sharing work should be communicated and discussed over. She adds that all this needs hard work. Sophie states that cheating and growing apart are the two most common causes of divorces that she has seen.
6. Healthy arguments are okay
Sophie feels that healthy communications and discussions are welcome in a relationship. She says:
“I think it’s healthy to argue, have those debates, have those discussions, get your point across and be heard,”
“A lot of people say if you argue you’re not happy or in love, and I don’t agree with that as that’s where the resentment builds.”
There should be a level of trust in a relationship and ability to discuss. At times, tiredness and stress can push both into unhealthy arguments. One should forget those and move on in life together. Samantha Hillas KC states that at such times:
“Take some time out, take a deep breath and, if you can, borrow a phrase from Frozen: ‘Let it Go’.”
7. Importance of sex life in marriages
Most lawyers feel that besides adultery or lack of communication, respect, space, and attention, marriages also break down due to lack of a satisfying sex life. Couples do not want to talk about it in public domain, but most clients, Maisie reveals, state that their physical relationship was over before they really separated.
8. Hard times are normal
Advocate Liza asserts that challenging times are common and normal in relationships. For instance, birth of a child is a stressful period. So is the time when children leave home to seek their own careers and lives. Retirement times could also affect relationships. If one feels drained out or in a tight corner, Deborah Jeff, who heads the Divorce and Family section at Simkins, advises couples to go for counseling and therapy sessions:
“Going to couple’s counselling is always a good thing,”
“Trying to salvage a relationship rather than end it is usually the best for both parties, unless there’s domestic abuse. Also, if a relationship has to end, having emotional support allows us to ensure the legal process is as smooth as possible.”
9. Have an amicable end
If at all, one cannot save the marriage, exit gracefully. Often, at the end of relationships, people talk of issues that they had never spoken about in the relationship. It could lead to a messy divorce. Avoid such discussions after the marriage has collapsed. It will not salvage the relationship but only make the divorce more horrid. Try to not talk things in public especially when you have minor kids.
Read here: 15 Timeless Love and Relationship Advice You Should Not Skip!
10. Be fair to self
One should be fair to self and not emote too much over a divorce. Make oneself stronger from within and leave the rest on destiny.
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Posted on: Tuesday, December 20 2022
