Remarriage guidelines! Patton Oswalt faces criticism on marrying 15 months after his wife’s death!
The online attacks and criticism
The widower and American actor Patton Oswalt has decided to remarry. His to-be-wife American actress, Meredith Salenger happily announced their engagement last week on Twitter.
But to their surprise and dismay, they had to face rude and hateful messages from their followers on social media.
One follower said:
“Wife dies in her sleep and he’s married a year later? Nope!”
Another social media user lamented:
“Like good for them and all but, personally, I’d like to be mourned for more than a couple months.”
Patton Oswalt, 51 lashed back at these online haters calling them ‘bitter grub worms’. He found support from a widowed blogger Erica Roman, who raised her voice against these uninvited opinions which cropped from ‘insensitive old Victorian traditions’.
This online hate and contempt against a person remarrying after his/her spouse’s death make one wonder whether any expected time is laid down for remarriage after spousal death. If so, what is it? One also would like to know whether it is anyone’s business to opine on such matters.
What do eminent society people feel?
National Post discussed with a few eminent members of society on this matter. Aruna Ogale who Is the executive director of ‘Bereaved Families of Ontario (BFO)’, Toronto said that every person processes the resulting grief from a life partner’s death differently.
Ogale added:
“It doesn’t mean that if you were able to move forwards into finding someone else to share your life with quicker that you loved or appreciated what you had with your spouse any more or any less,”
She continued:
“So I think that’s one of the misconceptions, that the longer you wait, it means that you loved your spouse more or you cared more deeply or you’re grieving more deeply. That’s just not true. People just move at their own pace. And I think that’s what’s happening with Patton Oswalt.”
Jock Maclachlan, 59 from the Toronto area had lost his wife of 25 years, Lynn due to colonic cancer in 2010. He sought grief counseling.
He later became close to another woman who also had lost her husband one year ago. The two formed support for each other as they mourned their lost ones.
As time went by, they came close and started dating. They are now in a happily committed relationship with each other.
Jock said:
“Some friends thought I was rushing it,”
He further said:
“It’s easy to fall into judgment, to judge, because people have a notion and they think there’s this ‘respectful time’ that someone must observe before moving to another relationship. But those people are not walking in the other person’s shoes. If you’ve experienced good relationships in the past and this person and this opportunity is before you, to love again, so be it,”
He added that others had no right to opine on Oswalt’s judgment about his life. Carole Brody Fleet, an author, and US grief recovery expert said:
“Sadly, such negative reactions are all too common in the ‘widow community’,”
Carole has also gone through the same unwelcome comments. She advises people to cherish the past but not live in it.
Carole concluded:
“You cannot live your life by opinion poll.”
Patton Oswalt’s previous wife
Patton and his wife crime writer, Michelle McNamara got married in 2005. She died in April 2016.
It was learned that her death was due to a combination of drugs and a heart disease about which they were unaware before.
Patton had announced in February 2017 that his wife had arterial blockages and this combined with the drugs Adderall, Xanax, and Fentanyl took his wife’s life at the early age of 46.
Following her death, Oswalt published an open letter in Time as an obituary. He had written:
“She hasn’t left a void, She’s left a blast crater’.
Patton Oswalt has one daughter Alice, 12 with Michelle.
You may like to read “I have waited 47 years to find true love.” After the death of Patton Oswalt’s first wife, he gives himself second chance by tying the knot with his girlfriend, Meredith Salenger
Short Bio on Patton Oswalt
Patton Oswalt is an American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and voice actor. He is famous for roles such as Spencer Olchin in the sitcom The King of Queens, voicing Remy in the film Ratatouille(2007), and playing multiple identical brothers, the Koenigs, on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. More Bio…