What is contra dating? Know its pros and cons!
Contra dating is trending in the world of love and relationships. What does this term imply? And what are its advantages and disadvantages?
What is Contra dating?
Contra dating is a new trend in dating and relationships. Normally, a person who wants to date looks out for a partner who has similar thinking and understanding.
Whereas, in contra dating, the person is ready to step outside of this comfort zone. The usual preferences are ignored and the person looks for qualities in the prospective partner that are different. As wise say, opposites attract. So, in this dating, two people with different wavelengths cone together to start a relationship.
Ruchi Ruuh, a counseling psychologist from New Delhi explains:
“It’s basically a way to broaden your dating horizon, shake up dates that might have become routine, or even meet different people to understand your own preferences better,”
Advantages of this dating trend
Normally, people believe that a good match or partner is one with similar traits and life interests. But this might lead to boredom. Contra dating is breaking this routine.
This dating adds excitement, thrill, and mystery in a relationship. Ruchi elaborates:
“It might help the initial sparks fly, as you experience something novel and uncharted,”
Smitha Sahay is an ad professional from Mumbai. She used to have relationships with older men. But now, her partner is a man six years younger to her and with different life perspective. She narrated:
“I was initially apprehensive about being with a man who is at a different life stage as mine but my current partner defies these stereotypes. He’s smart, sensitive, and understands me like no one else,”
One starts slowly liking characteristics that one had disliked earlier as time goes by. It improves adaptability and enhances empathy. Ruchi adds:
“These experiences also help in self expansion as you are introduced to new lifestyles, activities, and personality types,”
Do not reject suitors if they are different. In fact, these could be better in the long term. It is worth giving it a try.
Disadvantages
However, not all relationships with different types of people last. Similar ethics, principles, values are vital in a relationship. If these are too different, relationship can break. Ruchi pitches in:
“Initial chemistry doesn’t guarantee long-term compatibility. Research shows that for a relationship to last long it needs to be built on shared values and goals and complementary attachment styles,”
Kushal Sinha who works in the sales department of an MNC in Delhi dated his colleague who was totally different from him. But they separated in three months because it was hard to come to terms with the vast difference. He was a home person but she was a social butterfly. He liked to be with family but she hated it. Kushal says:
“…If someone is dramatically different from the other, one can adjust for a while, but then all hell breaks loose. And there’s resentment for the other person,”
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One can adjust to little differences, but going for vast differences could end in failures. Try to evaluate what attracts you and what you will not negotiate in a relationship.
Going out of comfort zones is not possible for everyone. It can have adverse effects on mental health. Do not stretch too much.
